


mad'ouk

by emilove



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, Ghosts, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-03-13 15:39:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13573641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilove/pseuds/emilove
Summary: experienced or toughened by life.Sasuke gets used to many things after the massacre. The stares, the nightmares, the pressure. He doesn’t think he can ever get used to the quiet. Luckily, he doesn’t have to.





	1. solivagant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adj. wandering alone

He couldn’t hear anything.

His own breathing was too loud in that moment. It was heavy, labored, as though he had just gone on a long trek through the woods he usually played around in. He could feel his chest clench tight with each breath, the pain being the only thing keeping him awake at that point.

He raised a hand to clutch at his shoulder, where the shuriken had sliced into it earlier. He could feel the blood slide along his fingers as he held it, a whimper escaping his lips at the feel of it. He couldn’t deny how real this all was when his shoulder ached so much and his lungs cried for air.

He really wanted to, though.

His dark eyes were hazy as he shifted on the floor, trying to look about the room. His heart was pounding hard as he tried to seek out the familiar form of his brother, but there was nothing left in the room aside from himself and the still-warm corpses of his parents.

His free hand twitched at the sight of them, automatically wanting to seek them out for guidance, his mouth opening as if to ask but nothing left his lips.

His hand stopped itching for comfort. Sasuke had to turn his eyes away from the sight as tears welled up in them again, his body shaking hard. He couldn’t muster up the will to get to his feet and leave, even as the fear of his brother returning to kill him too manifested itself.

Instead he could feel his eyelids weighing heavy, his tears trailing down his sticky cheeks with ease. He could feel his body start to go still, his chest start to lessen in ache and heart settle into a steady rhythm.

He was horribly exhausted in that moment, but he couldn’t allow himself to go to sleep, couldn’t stay so vulnerable right then because Itachi could be back at any moment, he needed to get help, needed to check if his parents _were really-_

He shivered hard, his breath coming out chilly rather than heavy and warm like before. He furrowed his brow at the feel but his muddied mind was not able to think any longer on it than _strange_ before his body and mind finally gave out.

His vision went black.

  
-

 

When he opened his eyes again, it was to the unfamiliar sight of white. It took him a moment but he soon enough recognized it was a ceiling and that the cushion he rested on was a bed. He let his memories come to him slowly as he looked around the room through sleepy eyes, only to finally go still as he eyed the end table next to him. On top of the dark wooden thing stood a vase with fresh daisies, no doubt from the flower shop run by the Yamanaka family, because his mother had always said that they have the best and surely no other place could have flowers so bright-

His fingers tightened almost painfully on the blanket, eyes going wide. Distantly he wondered if he was breathing right.

His mother, father, everyone…

They were all gone. He had seen the way Itachi had slaughtered each and everyone of them without a hint of care, almost as if he was bored by the way they dropped; how their screams had left him unfazed even when his clothes were bloodied; how he had told Sasuke he was just testing his abilities.

Sasuke’s chest squeezed painfully and he could feel something warm run down his cheeks, dripping onto the white blankets he had been clutching with even whiter knuckles.

Before he knew it, he was gasping, trying to draw in more breaths in between his sobs but it seemed so difficult to do something he usually did unconsciously. His head felt too heavy for his small body as he cried and in the short moments he did feel himself breathe, his head hurt too much for him to think properly.

He kept his eyes open and focused on white, because whenever he closed his eyes or looked anywhere else all he could see was red.

Sasuke wasn’t sure when it happened but his breathing slowed, enough that he could gather some oxygen and mutter to himself, nothing but nonsensical words, under his breath. His tears were still falling, though silently except for the shaky breaths and sniffles that left him. He could finally look away from the blankets after a moment and the tilt of his head resulted in an ache that made him wince.

He tugged the blankets closer around himself, both for some warped, childlike-sense of protection against demons haunting him and the sudden chill he got. He frowned at the last thought and glanced over at the window, surprised then to find it open and the curtains surrounding it swaying with the breeze carried in.

He inhaled deeply and caught the familiar, fresh scent of the air, something that rang as safety when he could focus on that rather than the sterile scent lingering in the hospital room - because he had figured by then, amidst his panic, that he was not home after the massacre, so it must be here - and although he was not sure that window had been opened the entire time he’d been awake, he didn’t want to question the peace it brought him because if he did he would open a door he didn’t want to consider, didn’t want to think of.

_If he was being watched. If his brother had come back to finish the job, even in broad daylight because he was a prodigy, he could risk it, it’s not like Sasuke would be much of a challenge himself anyway-_

The breeze blew again, somehow harder and much noticeable this time.

“Who… who’s there?”

His words came out fumbled, as if his tongue was too big for his mouth and he hadn’t spoken in ages. His throat was dry and his nose was stuffy from crying for so long. He waited a few moments, as if expecting a response he knew would never come. If his brother really was here, which he tries to convince himself can’t be true, he would definitely not respond to his question.

Sasuke let out a shaky breath and stared over at the window, trying to will it to reveal any secrets hidden from it. The curtains simply swayed. He reluctantly crawled back under the covers, though he knew he had no intention of sleeping again any time soon. His body ached for it, though he was sure he had been sleeping for too long already, but he couldn’t fall asleep. That would just be leaving himself wide open for his brother, for anyone really, to come for him again.

He looked away from the window, swallowing hard as he stared resolutely up at the ceiling. The sight of the white eased some of the tensions in his shoulders, but it did little to anything compared to when the breeze blew in again this time and with it, carried a familiar hum. Almost instinctively, Sasuke felt his eyes slip closed, the memory of how his mother would hum while she cooked or when she was bandaging his injuries after a trip in the woods making him feel nearly… peaceful.

He could almost hear her telling him, someone telling him, _rest_ , and the comfort the memories brought made him want to sleep.

He closed his eyes.

 

-

 

The compound was silent when he finally returned.

He had spent over a week in the hospital, according to the nurse he’d spoken to, and the majority of those days had been spent sleeping. They had kept him only for two more days before releasing him because physically there was nothing wrong with him as he had only gained a cut shoulder. The rest of the stay had been required because they wanted to make sure he was okay mentally, if he could tell reality from fake after the Tsukuyomi he had undergone.

And, of course, they wanted to evaluate what he remembered from the massacre because they had found him at the scene, unconscious and body abnormally cold. The nurse had even mentioned that they would have considered him dead if not for the sight of him breathing steadily and shivering every now and then. _No person should ever be so cold,_ she’d said, concerned.

Sasuke had not been sure of how to think of that, because while he did vaguely recall being chilly before he had fainted, it hadn’t seemed _that_ bad, and according to the doctor there was no known explanation for it.

After his release from the hospital, he had been told to report to the Hokage, and Sasuke had done so, albeit reluctantly. He had been hoping he would not have to give another rundown of what he’d experienced - he had barely been able to hold himself steady about the matter the day before when he had to relive it in the hospital. Surprisingly enough, when he arrived there were no village elders or Anbu in the room (visibly, at least). There was only the Sandaime seated at his desk.

The old man had looked up from whatever he’d been reading over at Sasuke’s entry and tried for a smile at the boy when the door closed shut behind him. Sasuke did not return it, and he wasn’t quite sure what the man had been expecting when the smile fell from his lips.

There had been a long, heavy silence as the two of them looked each other over, Sasuke feeling smaller and smaller by the second as he stood in the middle of the office, but eventually the Sandaime spoke and his voice, one Sasuke usually only heard with mild warmth, was soft and considerate.

“You can speak to me, if you’d like,” he said, “whenever you want. You are not alone, child.”

It was such a strange thing for Sasuke to hear in that moment - he had been getting used to adults only frowning sadly at him and asking him, _are you okay?_ in that same, bland tone. The tone that implied they wanted to care but really couldn’t because they didn’t understand; the same tone that said if he told them the truth, that, _no, I’m not and I don’t know what to do anymore._ he’d get no comfort, nothing more than pity or a blank look.

And that was the last thing he wanted.

Sasuke took another breath and then gave a jerky nod. The Sandaime stared him down, most likely recognizing that even though Sasuke had heard his words, he didn’t believe them, but surprisingly enough, he didn’t push for Sasuke to talk to him. He just left the option in the air.

“That is all,” he said, and then, like that, Sasuke had been dismissed back to his home.

His home that still smelled like his mother’s perfume and still creaked in the exact same spots his father would always, without doubt, step on because he would forget and he and Itachi would silently laugh about it because the stern clan head everyone knew Fugaku to be had a habit of stepping on weak floorboards and scowling at the noise as if it was something he didn’t do _every single day-_

His home that still had dark stains in the wood, stains that had not been scrubbed as hard. Sasuke drew to a sudden stop in the same room he’d last encountered his brother in, his eyes immediately drawn to the discoloration among the wood. He could almost smell the blood still lingering in the room and it made his throat feel sticky as he swallowed.

He backed out of the room slowly, then, as if suddenly gaining more energy, hurried as far as he could with his short legs out of his house. He stopped to gather his breath only when he was far enough from his house that he could only see it in the distance rather than the building in full view. He swallowed back down the anxiety crawling in his throat and wandered along the main path of the compound, looking back and forth between the houses until a familiar one brought him to a stop.

Just as quickly, he resumed his walking as he stepped up the small porch of his great uncle’s house. It was small and quaint with only three rooms, the bedroom, bathroom, and the large entry space that doubled as a living room and a kitchen with a small table to divide the two.

Sasuke had spent the majority of the time he wasn’t at school or in the woods over at his home, because the old man lived alone and didn’t mind when Sasuke overstayed his welcome just because he didn’t want to see his father’s disappointed stare or listen to when his mother would try to calm Fugaku down only to get a heavy stare in response.

Whenever he had turned up on his porch Akio would usually be gardening (and Sasuke noticed with disappointment that the flowers he had spent so much of his time caring for were wilting, the bright yellows a dull brown) but he would put away his watering can and pull off his gloves to urge the boy inside, telling him to take a seat at the table while he cleaned up. Then when he was done washing up, he’d set out some bread he’d baked recently and some freshly sliced cheese for Sasuke to munch on while he either told his great uncle about his day or struggled with his homework.

There had never been any judgement in his home because unlike his father, Akio had not been especially strict and he never asked too much unless it was warranted. He also had been terribly fond of his nephew and the way he never seemed to mind helping the old man with baking by shopping for ingredients for him - Sasuke had figured it was the least it could do for the man who had given him his own version of a sanctuary.

Even now, Sasuke thought as he stepped inside, there seemed to be no judgement, no awkwardness as he wandered into the living room and sat on the sofa, wrapping the blanket thrown over the back of it around himself. The scent of butter seemed to be made into the fabric as he snuggled into it, no doubt a product of the man’s constant baking. His bread was always so buttery and soft, it practically melted in his mouth.

In that moment, Sasuke longed almost desperately for his great uncle to come inside and tell him that he’d be there soon, he just needed a chance to clean up.

 

-

  
No one officially came to tell him he could forgo going to school for a few more days, but Sasuke figured it was allowed considering what had happened, and as much as he didn’t want to be pitied, he also couldn’t bring himself to leave and subjugate himself to those stares any longer than to buy groceries.

Instead, he bided his time by roaming his clan’s compound, sometimes toeing a line as he tried to figure out which houses were safe - which didn’t have any evidence of that day, only the memories before then - and avoided the ones he had soon realized weren’t. When he wasn’t doing that, he studied ahead for the work he’d surely missed during academy, reading ahead in the books.

Even though he knew he should have been using the time off to rest, it was hard. Sleep hadn’t come easy to him since he had left the hospital, and even then, that hadn’t been ideal.

Eventually he got tired of lazing around and cracked open one of his many textbooks, ones he had retrieved from his home with great speed. He figured just because he wasn’t in school, that didn’t mean he couldn’t keep up with the rest of his class, and the last thing he wanted to do was fall behind. Although he didn’t have his father’s heavy expectations weighing on his shoulders anymore, no more comparisons to worry about, he still felt the fear of causing disappointment, perhaps even more now that he was on his own.

It occurred to him dimly that he was really the last Uchiha here, the one left to represent what his clan was, and if that didn’t serve as some type of motivation for him he didn’t know what did.

Reading became somewhat of an escape for him then. He’d start a routine of eating his meal while he read over the village history, sipping at juice, and then a break. He preferred studying the most at nighttime, when his mind tended to go a bit of everywhere but where he wanted it to. It was convenient when he couldn’t sleep because he could focus on something other than the thought of another nightmare. Sometimes, he was lucky and he’d get through analyzing the different techniques for shuriken throws and be tired enough to manage a few hours of peaceful sleep.

Other times, he got so frustrated he gave up, his emotions spiraling as everything he’d built up came crashing down. Those nights would be especially hard, because the weight of being all alone really did sink in.

Somehow, a few days off turned to two weeks, maybe a little over - he wasn’t sure, because by then it had all blurred into one - and he was being encouraged to return to his classes, according to the Anbu that had approached him a little after lunch. It had been a light way of putting that his absences weren’t going to be tolerated anymore, and Sasuke had recognized it immediately for what it was. He showed up the next day for class, right on time and looking almost as if he had always been there.

The classroom had not changed, nothing really had except for the people who surrounded him. Although their faces were familiar, something about them seemed distorted in Sasuke’s eyes as he listened to them chatter amongst themselves, their voices loud and gleeful. Sometimes he would hear his name in between frantic whispers, though he wasn’t sure if that was his own paranoia or if people were genuinely talking about him.

He started to hate class as days passed and the whispers remained. The official excuse had been him being out sick, which was more than believable since he had an official doctor’s excuse and was hardly ever out of school, except for the times he actually was sick, but even though his class was full of idiots, not all of them were stupid. Some had surely heard of what had happened to his family and if not that specifically, then it was some version of it.

He had lost hope for the looks to ease - that had been long gone by the third time he’d gone for a walk outside the compound and an old woman had stared him down as he walked the streets - and he soon learned that these curious stares and rumors were much the same. He only had to get used to it, focus on class, and then get home and study.

He adjusted to his new routine with ease, rising to the top of the class with his extra efforts to read ahead. When he eventually finished the required reading he would even go as far as to apply it on his own time, though perfecting the skills was another matter entirely.

The same distraction that helped him sleep at night became more when he understood the strength it gave him, the same thing Itachi had told him he needed so desperately.

He would get powerful, he decided, enough that he could cleanse his clan’s name and destroy the same man who had ruined it.

 

-

  
Sometimes studying and practice did nothing to help.

He’d wake up gasping, clutching sticky sheets to his body as he trembled, reliving the whole massacre over again, sometimes in greater detail, like recalling how his brother’s blade had dug into his mother’s back not once but twice, how he had to do it again because the first wasn’t enough to kill her; other times he’d envision his brother finishing him off. The worst, however, was when he saw himself in his brother, felt the warmth of blood splash his cheeks, dribble down his lip, the weight of the blade in his hand straining him.

Those nights he’d abandon the compound entirely and walk about the village. It was quieter and cooler at night, something he took in with relief, and in that short amount of time he always felt a little bit better, less crowded. There was no group of people watching and whispering about him, no one to trail after and offer their condolences. There was just Sasuke.

Or, it would have been just Sasuke, if not for the boy currently stealing his spot on his usual deck. Sasuke couldn’t help but scowl down at him from his point on the hill, though he certainly did nothing more than stare. He was annoyed, yes, but not enough to go down and tell the boy to go away.

No, Sasuke only watched him, his irritation slowly shifting to curiosity when the boy became a little more recognizable for him. It was only his back facing him, but the clothing was familiar, for the boy wore it at almost every week at least, and Sasuke would have to be blind to not recognize that spiky blond hair.

He didn’t know much of anything about him, aside from the resigned mutters from adults he’d gathered in passing, and the annoyance that radiated from some of his classmates. Naruto Uzumaki, resident troublemaker. The strange thing, though, was that Naruto was not being the loudmouth Sasuke had figured him to be right now. Instead he stared down into the pool of water before him, his short legs kicking back and forth over the deck.

He was utterly silent in the night, and if Sasuke wasn’t looking at him, he wasn’t sure he’d have even recognized that someone else was here.

He had to wonder, as he took in a deep breath and started walking again to return home, what exactly could make someone so loud suddenly go still and contemplative like that. He also had to forced himself, as he crawled into bed with covers pulled up to his chin, to not confuse the silence with something he had found in himself the past few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of many Naruto fics to come! :> This entire thing basically stemmed from me falling utterly in love with Shisui and Obito and mourning what could have been, but also having some kind of appreciation for the plot. The solution? Yeah, let's just make them ghosts, no biggie.
> 
> This chapter is basically just an introduction to everything and me trying to find some kind of voice for Sasuke (trying to write him as a normal eight year-old is painful, so I'm just r e a dy to get to the timeskip, but well...). Next chapter we'll introduce some new characters! I'm having a lot of fun writing that one so it should hopefully be out a little later this month!
> 
> bonus -  
> Akio means “bright man.” 
> 
> It’s not mentioned directly in the story but I thought it’d be a cool tidbit for him to actually have had a son, though he died on a mission a few years after Sasuke was born. So one of the reasons Akio is so at fond of Sasuke is because he reminds him of his son when he was younger, and because Sasuke isn’t as bristly as a lot of the other Uchihas are (and obviously, Akio is not). He’s also not particularly close with any of the others, I imagine him to be kinda lonely. I think it’s possible I might reference him again later on, because one of the most important elements in this fic is Sasuke’s connection to his clan, y’know?
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!! If you have any questions about the story or any ideas (i.e. plot points, characters, relationships, etc) you'd be interested in seeing, definitely mention it and I'll consider it!


	2. apricity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> n. the warmth of the sun in winter

It was hard to not think of how much better his brother was when it came to throws. It didn’t matter whether it was shuriken or kunai, he’d always managed to hit his target. There never seemed to be any wavering in his stance and his throws never faltered halfway through like Sasuke’s did, even when Itachi knew he was being watched (Sasuke had long since realized his past habits of seeking off to watch his big brother train had not been so sneaky).

It didn’t help that Sasuke knew from personal experience just how deadly those throws could be, and though he had long ago tried to convince himself that Itachi’s aim had at least been off then, he knew personally that Itachi had just decided he wasn’t worth the effort then, like he had said before.

If he had wanted to injure him more seriously, it would have been done, without a doubt.

Sasuke frowned deeply and clutched his kunai a little more tightly at the thought. His brother had had absolute confidence that a simple cut would be enough, that Sasuke wouldn’t be strong enough to challenge him anyway.

The reminder of the large gap in between their abilities made Sasuke clench his teeth and then give air to the weapon, watching the metal soar, flickering with light from the evening sun. It wavered halfway through, angling to the right rather than straight, and right before it hit the target Sasuke already knew he was far off.

It was even more disappointing to see it not even hit the board, but the bark of the tree behind it instead.

He didn’t even try to hold back his mutter of frustration this time as he approached the tree to pull out the kunai he’d thrown earlier. He stuffed the tools into his weapons pouch, ignoring how dull the blades were getting in favor of pulling out a shuriken this time around.

He had learned that he did better with these, though he was certainly no expert, and he had begun to figure that it was because the weight of the weapon was equal all around. The kunai was heavier towards one end than the other because of the blade, so he would have to adjust to the difference.

Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure how to go about that, because while he was sure that practicing normally would help overtime, it wouldn’t do enough to fix the issue fast enough. Like many times before, he was tempted to seek out an older ninja to question any other training exercises, but he quickly squashed that thought.

If there was one thing he knew, it was that his brother definitely didn’t go around asking for help. He had figured out all these issues himself and then prevailed, achieving greater heights. Sasuke doubted that him asking for advice would help him become stronger, not enough to reach Itachi’s level.

He wiped his brow with the back of his hand and pulled out another shuriken to throw.

He would succeed on his own.

 

-

  
When he woke up the next day with sore muscles, Sasuke was hardly surprised. Over the past year he had grown able to recognize when he happened to overwork himself too much - something he had too bad a habit of doing - and the difference between that and working just enough.

Unfortunately for him today was the former. He grimaced as he left the warmth of his bed to get ready for the day, though the hot shower he took only worked to ease some of the stiffness he felt. His body seemed to groan in protest with almost every movement and Sasuke had hoped it wouldn’t come to this point. He forced himself not to complain as he pulled a jar of oils from the bathroom cabinet and applied it to his shoulders evenly.

He only wrinkled his nose once at the flowery scent, realizing that even though it was hardly appealing to him, it was much better than the other alternatives they had at the shop. Although he was sure it made some of the shinobi there feel manly and strong, musk was even less attractive of a scent.

He knew it would draw more attention to him - no doubt from the female variety - but he had by now become used to attention. That didn’t mean it didn’t bother him, but at least now he spent more time being annoyed by it than uncomfortable.

He’d rather it disappear, but it seemed to follow him wherever he went. He had gotten some stares back when his family was still around, so it wasn’t as if it was foreign to him, but now it seemed to have a certain intensity to it that was not there before.

Now, it didn’t seem to matter how unapproachable he tried to be, he would still get girls cooing after him, guys looking at him almost… _enviously,_ and adults watching him with either awe or concern.

He had long since given up trying to shake off the attention, instead just being resigned to it.

Sasuke finished getting dressed, grab his bag and lunch, and headed out of the building.

 

-

 

The classroom was nearly empty when he arrived. There were a few kids littered here and there, but most of his classmates were spending their time outside the Academy playing before class started. Sasuke had always preferred arriving early, at first because he had just been so excited about finally becoming a shinobi - _especially_ one just as strong as his brother - that he didn’t want to waste a moment where he wasn’t working towards that goal. Now, it was mostly just a habit.

He took his usual seat and set his bag beside his desk, glancing behind him only briefly to catch somewhat familiar faces - two guys playing some game together while another slept on the desk he was nestled in. There were two girls giggling in the corner of the room, but Sasuke hardly spared them a look before turning to face the front again. He pulled out his textbook and some paper for notes and waited.

It wasn’t long before the door was pushed open again for a number of students to enter. Some were muttering complaints under their breath while others chatted happily as they went to their seats. Following them soon after was their sensei, a tan man of average height and build. In truth, he seemed plain all around to Sasuke. The only thing that had ever really stood out about him was the scar that ran across the bridge his nose, but he had dismissed that long ago. Injuries, scars - they were all common in the profession of being a shinobi, and even though Iruka hardly went out on missions anymore since he was so focused on teaching, the scar still made sense on his face.

Unlike some of his classmates, Sasuke wasn’t all that interested in knowing how he had gotten it, especially since, like most, he considered it rude to ask about another’s scars. That didn’t mean, of course, that no one had ever asked before - Sasuke was hardly expecting his classmates to care about something being personal. Unsurprisingly, most of them had given up on finding an answer, though, as Iruka had a nifty way of dodging those questions.

The chuunin took his usual spot at the front of the classroom, giving the class a small chance to quiet down before he made them himself. Sasuke was barely fazed when the bunch continued their chatter, and even less so when Iruka wound up yelling at them until they finally shut up. Sasuke distinctly heard the sound of a yawn as one of the few people in the class he didn’t mind so much woke up from his short nap.

Sasuke took a moment to examine his sensei, only to pause when he noticed there seemed to be no notes around him for their usual lecture today or even a worksheet or something of the sort.

Iruka must have noticed him looking around for work, because he gave Sasuke a knowing look and a small smile took over his features. He soon began to explain, as Sasuke had expected, that they were going to spar outside rather than sit in on another boring lecture.

“We’ll focus on taijutsu today,” he said. “Some of you need help with your stances so we’ll do that first, then I’ll pair you up and you’ll each spar for a few minutes.”

Iruka barely managed to get the words out before voices picked up again, the hesitant ones drawn out in sound by the loud, gloating ones. Sasuke could pick out a particular one…

They were organized in a line behind Iruka before Sasuke could bother to think of it anymore, and soon enough they were outside. The wind blew by them, ruffling their clothes with a hot breeze, as Iruka had each and every one of them come up front to show their starting stance. Sasuke only paid minor attention as he listened to Iruka congratulate or correct each person, watching the trees rustle and shine with the force of the morning sun behind them.

He only began to focus again when Iruka started to name who were sparring partners. Choji and Kiba… Ino and Hinata… Shino and Shikamaru… He watched as Iruka walked down the line of students to speak to them before they ventured off to meet their partner, listening to the voices he had grown familiar with.

He blinked to focus on the now when Iruka paused in front of him, still wearing that same smile, almost as if he knew just how excited Sasuke actually was to spar. It was one of the few things he found himself actually enjoying lately, and they did it so little because their class wasn’t considered advanced enough for it. But Iruka no doubt knew that Sasuke was above their current level and that the waiting was nearly painful for him.

He could barely reign in his twitch of the lips as Iruka’s eyes landed on him, but it seemed to become suddenly much easily to control his excitement when his sensei finally spoke.

“Sasuke, your partner will be Naruto,” he said.

Sasuke had to stare blankly for a moment as he tried to understand what Iruka had just said to him, deaf to the sudden shout coming from the far left of him. “Naruto…?” he finally said, repeating the name with confusion.

“Yes,” Iruka said, seeming to take his confusion to mean he didn’t know who his partner was. But really how could anyone _not_ know who Naruto was? “He’s right… ah, here, I suppose.” Iruka had been in the middle of pointing, only to stop as Naruto popped up right by his side.

His blue eyes were narrowed and his cheeks were puffed up, almost like a small, annoyed animal. Sasuke stared at him without blinking, and the boy seemed to only bristle more.

“What!” he shouted. “Scared you won’t be able to beat me?” Naruto’s annoyance seemed to blossom into something else as he crossed his arms and guffawed, clearly satisfied with his prediction. “No worries, I’ll go easy on you, bastard!”

Iruka’s face twitched as he stared down at Naruto, his eyes rolling. “Naruto -”

“No,” Sasuke said.

Iruka frowned this time and turned his gaze back onto the other boy. “Sasuke?”

“I’m not sparring with him,” Sasuke said.

The frown seemed to get even deeper, this time with the aid of some other emotion than confusion - sadness. Iruka had thought out of everyone, Sasuke would get along with Naruto because he hadn’t seemed to care about the village’s opinion of the boy like his classmates did. He could hear the idle chatter from his class disappear as everyone focused in on the conflict before them.

Naruto was back to being bristly. “Hah?”

“Are you deaf?” Sasuke asked, not so kindly. “I said, find someone else.”

Naruto already had some retort on his tongue, but Iruka interrupted before he could speak. “Is there a reason why you want another partner, Sasuke?”

Sasuke gave him a single, solid look, seeming to say, _Why do you think?_

Iruka couldn’t help the slump of his shoulders at the sight of it, even though part of him understood the negativity surrounding Naruto, it never got easier to see it. It certainly didn’t help that it seemed no one would stick up for Naruto because he had no friends his own age.

But he knew Naruto had not done anything to deserve this, he was just a kid, an especially earnest and kind one. Iruka didn’t want to single him out, though it tended to happen regardless.

He sighed heavily. “Sasuke-”

“He’s too weak,” Sasuke continued. “I want someone that will actually be a challenge.”

Iruka paused, his thoughts backtracking… Sasuke didn’t want to fight Naruto, not because he hated him, but because he wanted a… challenge? Something akin to relief bloomed in his chest, but he didn’t get the chance to focus on it too much before Naruto was in front of him and in Sasuke’s personal space.

“As if!” he shouted. “I’ll beat you without any effort at all, there’s no doubting it, y’know!”

Sasuke wrinkled his nose. “You can barely throw a punch, how do you think you’ll dodge my hits?”

“You bastard!” he growled. “Why don’t you fight me and we’ll find out just who’s the best!”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “As if it’ll be that surprising,” he said. “But if you want to lose so bad, I guess I’ll help you out.”

Naruto let out another shout, this one with indistinguishable words, and Sasuke could vaguely hear squeals from girls in the background. He grimaced at the stares he could practically feel on him, and instead moved to the sidelines as Iruka finished up naming the pairs. When he was done, the majority of the class had been moved to the sidelines alongside Sasuke, though he luckily maintained distance between himself, Naruto, and the girls cooing at him. Iruka stood nearby the sidelines and in between the two students who were starting off the spars just in case of danger.

Sasuke watched it at first, though he found himself frowning when both of them seemed to be below mediocre at throwing punches. Instead, he was zoning out to the scenes and conversations around him.

“All right!” A slim, blonde shouted happily, fist raised. Her blue eyes were filled with glee as her hand went from the air to being pointed at the girl in front of her. The smaller girl jumped in response, but she didn’t manage a word before Ino piped up again. “You’re definitely going down, you hear me?”

Her excitement didn’t seem to be shared, however, as Hinata only curled further in on herself while Ino cheered herself on alongside her group of friends. Ino almost didn’t notice it, most likely wouldn’t have if not for the moment she paused her speech to look over her partner once more. She blinked twice at the sight in front of her, her grin slowly fading to a soft smile instead. She could hear her friends chattering about themselves, still about her spar and their own, but she tuned them out in favor of lowering herself to the ground and girl sitting.

“Hinata-chan,” she said gently, and it took a moment before the girl finally looked up at her. “Sorry,” she said, a little sheepish, “I got a bit ahead of myself.”

“Ah, no…” she tried to wave off the apology. “It’s okay, Ino-san.”

Ino frowned a little, tilting her head. “Do you not wanna spar with me?”

“Eh?” Hinata looked surprised. “No! I, um… I just would rather not spar at all.”

“Why not?” Ino asked, confused.

Hinata swallowed hard, glancing away. “I don’t like fighting,” she said, carefully. “And… I’m not very good at it. You’ll definitely win.”

Sasuke turned his head slightly at those words, peeved. “If you don’t like fighting, why are you training to be a shinobi?” he asked, nose wrinkled.

The feeling of stares weighed in on him again, but Sasuke ignored it in favor of seeking out the small Hyuuga girl. She seemed hesitant to meet his eyes, looking anywhere but at him. “Ah, well…”

“If you can’t handle a spar, you shouldn’t even be trying to be a shinobi,” Sasuke said, voice stern. “The only thing you’d do is hold everyone else back.”

The group of children went silent, the lack of noise only interrupted by the grunts of the two kids sparring in the center of the field. Sasuke waited for a response for a moment, daring Hinata to prove him wrong, but she didn’t speak up and he found himself bored. He turned back to face the match in front of him, but didn’t get the chance to even focus on it entirely before someone else was speaking up, making him frown.

“Don’t be stupid!” Ino shouted, erasing the uncomfortable silence. Sasuke jerked back to stare at her, and she flinched, hesitating for a moment before she continued in a softer voice, “There’re lots of things Hinata-chan can do without needing to fight constantly… like being a medic-nin.” She seemed uncomfortable with Sasuke’s gaze on her, which was strange to him because in the past, she always seemed to preen whenever he’d glance at her.

“And,” another voice added in, “just because you don’t like something, doesn’t mean you aren’t good at it!”

Sasuke’s eyes followed the new voice, missing the way Ino’s shoulders sagged in relief only for her blue eyes to widen when she, too, saw who had spoken up. Sakura Haruno huffed, her little fists clenched tight as she met Sasuke’s stare.

His frown deepened at the sight of her looking, for lack of a better word, annoyed with him. He found himself then at a loss for words, so he only clicked his teeth and looked away to the spar again, leaving the group in an unsettled silence.

Sakura watched him, he could feel her eyes on him amongst others, but once she seemed satisfied he had nothing else to say she turned to face her old friend. Ino swallowed hard at the resolute look on Sakura’s face and open her mouth only to close it when Sakura gave her a short nod before focusing back on what she’d been doing before.

Ino watched her, the way she seemed so pleased with herself and how her determination seemed to have increased tenfold, before remembering the girl beside her. She turned back to Hinata. “Right,” she said, softly. “So, you shouldn’t put yourself down like that, okay?”

Hinata nodded the slightest, a small smile on her lips. It wavered with a glance at Sasuke, who seemed content with ignoring everyone else around him, but Ino drew focus back to herself, and it grew brighter. “I’ll do my best,” she said.

Ino grinned at her.

“So loud,” Shikamaru complained. “I guess I’m lucky my partner is quiet.”

Ino turned around to face the lazy Nara, an annoyed look overtaking her face. “Shikamaru!” she exclaimed, pride soaring in her chest at the way he winced.

The boy lounging beside him laughed softly, even as an uncertain look crossed Chouji's face briefly.

Some sense of normalcy returned to the scene then, as each of them talked among themselves and complained, and Sasuke resolutely decided to not focus on the conversation around him, instead watching each and every spar ahead of him.

By the time his name was called he was noticeably calmer, his earlier annoyance at his classmates having faded. It still made little sense to him why someone like Hinata would bother trying to be a shinobi when it clearly wasn’t her calling, but if no one around him could see reasoning, that was hardly his problem.

He stood from where he’d been sitting in the grass and entered the centerfield, standing to Iruka’s left side. He looked up from the ground as dust flew and feet scuffled, finding the blue-eyed gaze of his partner.

Naruto puffed up further when their eyes met, taking place on Iruka’s right respectively. He seemed reluctant to avert his gaze from Sasuke, almost as if expecting him to charge before Iruka could say start.

 _Idiot,_ Sasuke thought, _as if I need to cheat to beat_ you.

Iruka was still going over the rules, though Sasuke vaguely recognized they were being repeated. Taijutsu only, no weapons. The round ended when one person hit the ground, the other still standing.

It was all very basic and Sasuke figured the mention of the rules was hardly for him this time around. It seemed to be all for naught, though, because Naruto didn’t seem to have heard much of anything. The moment Iruka stopped speaking, announcing the spar to start, and took a step back, Naruto’s lips stretched into a proud grin.

He let out an airy laugh, his arms crossed behind the back of his head languidly. “Don’t take it too hard when you lose, Sa-su- _ke!”_

Sasuke couldn’t help the eye twitch that came from the blatant show of disrespect. Not dignifying those words with a response, he charged forward, closing the short distance in between them, and dropped down to a crouch. He registered a wide-eyed look for only a split second before his right leg darted out and swiped Naruto off his feet.

The blond let out a loud, undignified squawk at his lost of balance, making a move to get back to his feet only to pause suddenly. His noises ceased as he stared up at the pale fist hovering over his face, Sasuke staring down at him with an indecipherable look. Naruto thought it looked rather smug.

(Sasuke was, of course, feeling very smug.)

“Match end!” Iruka called out, though the words were hardly needed. He was barely audible over the loud coos from the crowd of students on the sidelines. The chuunin couldn’t help feeling a tad disappointed, as well, as Naruto hadn’t even managed an attack or proper defense before he was swept off his feet. “All right,” he said, “Next match-”

“No way!” Naruto shouted, sounding every bit indignant. “I wasn’t ready yet, asshole!”

Iruka’s eyebrow twitched. “Naruto,” he began, a reprimand already on his tongue.

Sasuke, who had gotten to his feet by this point, paused in walking away. He turned back halfway, spotting a childish glare directed at him from the corner of his eye and returning it with ease. “Idiot,” he said, “as if a shinobi gets to decide whether they’re ready or not.”

Naruto jerked back the slightest at his tone, before his glare was back with full force and his mouth opened and closed. He seemed at a lost for words in the moment, so Sasuke turned away from him again and started back to his crowd of classmates, but even over their chatter he could distinctly hear a determined voice declare:

“I’ll beat you next time, asshole!”

and the sizzling scolding from their teacher afterwards.

Sasuke ignored the fact that his lips twitched, even amidst all his annoyance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing the whole thing with Hinata was definitely my favorite so far, minus the bits with Sasuke's thoughts (though I always like doing those). I think for better understanding of the whole Ino/Hinata/Sakura interaction, you kinda need to know that at this point, Sakura and Ino declared themselves rivals a few months or so ago, so it's kind of a big deal for Sakura to speak up with Ino against Sasuke, which is why Ino is surprised.
> 
> Sakura kind of did it on instinct too, 'cause she's used to being so inspired by Ino. I like to think if/when Ino asks her why she did that, Sakura's gonna try and say "This way we'll have a fair chance at winning Sasuke's heart, 'cause then he'll remember both of us from that, good or bad" or something like that... but uh, it's not true at all.
> 
> I'm gonna try and like... do some female empowerment stuff, 'cause we all know Kishimoto treated these girls wrong. If any of you guys have thoughts on that, definitely share! Also, I'm pretty open to any side ships, btw, and I'm still looking for one or two to add in here, so don't get the impression that things are going straight sakuino or hinaino or sakuhina or whatever (even though those are cute), I'm just going with the flow right now. So if you guys have any ideas about pairings, I'm open (and not just with the kids, I'm accepting pairings for all around).
> 
> This chapter was way too much fun to write, though I confess I struggled a lot with writing Naruto, mostly cause I don't wanna overdo his character too much. I hope I did okay, anyway and that the introduction of some more characters was nice!
> 
> Comments are extremely appreciated! See you next month! <3


	3. lebensmüde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> n. "life-tired;” either means you do such risky things that you clearly don't care for your own safety, or that you've entered a deep, physical state of not-caring.

Sasuke watched the crimson-tinged leaf swirl in the wind, unbothered by the rustle of his clothes from the cool air, before his dark eyes flickered back to the small girl curled in on herself in front of him. Her long brown hair fell down to her shoulders in thick waves, but provided little warmth to her. Sasuke couldn’t understand why she had thought it was a good idea to show up on a windy day like this in a short dress.

He had been standing outside since class had ended and she’d mustered up the courage to ask him to wait for her after academy, and even though he was at least properly dressed for the season, he still didn’t want to risk catching a cold.

Tsubaki seemed to recognize his impatience, as she squeaked before continuing in a quiet tone, “Thank you for waiting for me...”

He gave her a curt nod. “What did you want to talk about?”

She swallowed hard before meeting his eyes, unsettled by his gaze but determined to meet it all the same. “I…” she bit her lower lip, conflicted. Sasuke was tempted to interrupt her - he had training he’d planned to do before it got too dark, and Tsubaki was wasting valuable time - but he held back. “Sasuke-kun, do you have someone?”

That brought Sasuke to a pause. He furrowed his brow a bit. “What?”

“Like… someone that means a lot to you, more than anything,” she clarified.

Oh, well if that was the case… “No,” he said, _not anymore._

Tsubaki flinched at his hard tone. “I… see.”

The two of them lapsed into a stiff silence, but when he shifted on his feet Tsubaki seemed to regain some semblance of self.

Sasuke didn’t fail to notice how she was refusing to look at him anymore, but he wasn’t too bothered by it. He dug his hands further into the warmth of his pockets and stared her down.

She fidgeted with the fabric of her dress and opened her mouth. “I like you,” she said firmly. Her voice was soft but not even the wind could carry away the words. “I think… I always have, and erm, I want to be by your side.”

She looked up at him from beneath her fringe, slowly straightening up from the bow she’d done. Her hazel eyes shone bright and her cheeks were flushed, though not from the chill.

Sasuke meet her gaze head on, slouching just the slightest as he stood. He blinked at her, slowly.

It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. Back before everything had changed, he had still been in the spotlight - though certainly not this much - and earned many affections. Sasuke could remember the time he’d received his first confession. It was girl, much like the one in front of him, who was just as soft-spoken and delicate-seeming, and she had flushed almost as bright as he had when she told him her feelings.

At the time, Sasuke had been convinced the lunchtime meeting was meant to spill secrets, or maybe she wanted to sneak away to play in the park? He had been a little fool back then, the kind that was always hoping for more than he knew he could get.

But childish hope was all he really had besides his brother, who was always too busy to play with him, even when it was so hard for others to approach him because of his name.

Sasuke scowled, and the girl who had been steadily approaching him froze.

“S-Sasuke-kun…?”

“I’m leaving,” he said, already turning away from her.

“Leaving? But what about what I said?”

Sasuke turned just enough to see her clearly, confused when there was nothing visible to him to explain her sudden panic. He frowned. “What about it?”

She jerked back, as if hurt. “I…” she sniffed and raised a hand to rub at her cheek. “You’re the one who made me want to become a shinobi, so I could be by your side. I thought maybe we’d even get put on the same genin team...”

Sasuke didn’t see how being her motivation would be something that mattered to him and his frown only deepened.“If you don’t actually care about being a shinobi, you should drop out,” he said coldly.

He could see her struggling to hold herself together, her hands rubbing at her eyes. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her and she whimpered.

“So you don’t like me back?” she asked weakly.

“No,” he said, without hesitation. “I don’t even know you.”

He had barely finished speaking before the tears were rolling down her pale cheeks at full force, and Sasuke ignored the way his heart twinged at the sight, focusing instead on the contempt he felt and amplifying it. _Weak_ , he thought. _Was I like that? Is this what Itachi saw in me all along?_

If it was, Sasuke couldn’t fault him for leaving the way he did.

Sasuke paused there, waiting to see if Tsubaki would speak up again but when it became clear she was just going to stand there, too caught up in her sobs to do anything else, he turned and walked away.

He was halfway to the compound when he thought he heard someone say, solemn and quiet, “ _How cruel,_ ” and another reply with nonsensical words in a seething tone, but when Sasuke turned around to look, he saw no one.

 

-

 

The classroom held more people than it usually did when Sasuke stepped into it the next day. For a moment he wondered if he had arrived late - because surely there’d be no other reason as to why so many of his classmates had forgone playing outside to hang around in the stuffy room - but it became apparent to him just why when he took his seat. He was in the middle of pulling out his books when he heard a snicker to his left, and when he turned to look he saw three girls speaking amongst themselves.

“…not really sure what she expected. Sasuke-kun obviously has better taste than to go for someone like _her._ ”

“Did you hear? She said she wanted to be a kunoichi because of him, too. Doesn’t that mean she should just drop out of Academy?”

“Yeah, he clearly doesn’t want her here.”

They all let out a chorus of laughter before one of them spoke up again, sounding disbelieving.

“Ah, Ami-chan! Look!”

The girls stopped their chatter to look over at him, meeting his eyes and then looking away just as quick. “ _No way!_ Is it me? Is he looking at me?”

“Duh! There’s nobody else as pretty as you, Ami!”

Ami laughed softly, waving the other girls off before looking back shyly at Sasuke, who couldn’t have acted any more disinterested if he wanted to.

“Good morning, Sasuke-kun!”

He frowned at the sudden wave of attention on him from that comment, only managing a nod before facing forward again. He could still feel a heavy set of stares resting on him but he could at least pretend to not notice it this way.

“What an asshole.”

“Stupid Uchiha thinks he’s too good to talk to anyone, huh?”

“Tsubaki-chan deserves better, anyway…”

Sasuke deepened the scowl on his face, stubbornly keeping his gaze on the front of the classroom. He knew it was all talk - even if his classmates did have a problem with him they would never approach him about it.

“This really the guy you’re aiming for, Ino?”

He could feel his effort waver at the familiar drawl as he glanced out of the corner of his eye toward the girl in the middle of the room. Her blonde hair was decorated with glaringly bright hair clips and framed her twisted expression effortlessly.

Ino looked away from the crowd of girls she’d been glaring at and over to Shikamaru. He was slumped over his desk, his words muffled by the sleeve of his shirt. Chouji sat next to him, clearly tensed yet trying to hide it behind another bag of chips.

“What did you say, Shikamaru?”

Shikamaru yawned. “I said… you really want some heartless guy like that?”

“Shikamaru...” Chouji murmured.

“He’s not heartless!” Ino shouted, instantly rising to his defense. “He’s… just misunderstood.”

“Hm…” Shikamaru hummed. “If you say so.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, you lazy prick!”

“Just wondering what makes you think you’d be treated any differently,” he said, whipping away the tears left in the corners of his eyes from his yawn.

Ino faltered, her raised fists dropping. “I…”

The door to the classroom opened again, a crowd of students being herded through it by their teacher. Ino hurried back to her seat as the chatter almost instantly drew to a halt. Probably too quick, if the suspicious look Iruka casted to his class said anything.

He didn’t comment on it, however, only taking his usual position at the front of the classroom as he waited for everyone to take their seats before he began their typical lesson - this time a review of the hand signs and the theory behind them that aided molding chakra.

By the time lunch rolled around, Iruka seemed to finally have caught full wind of the day’s gossip. Sasuke noticed from the hesitant shuffles Iruka made as he pulled out his bento for the day and when he tried to leave the classroom for his usual lunch spot, he was stopped with a hand on his shoulder.

Sasuke shrugged it off, clutching a bit tighter onto his bento, and turned to face Iruka. His face was twisted with worry, but luckily he didn’t seem so fazed by the lack of contact; by now, he probably knew Sasuke didn’t like to be touched.

“Are you alright, Sasuke?”

Sasuke furrowed his brows and nodded.

“Are you sure?” Iruka pressed, inching closer.

He didn’t seem so bothered by the curious gazes of his fellow students, some who had lingered just to see what the commotion was all about, but he did at least lower his voice so their conversation wasn’t so apparent. Of course, to anybody with a brain it would be more than obvious what they were talking about.

Sasuke wrinkled his nose in distaste and took a step back to maintain his personal space. Iruka must have realized his mistake, because he straightened up from where he was leaning down to level their heights, and smiled apologetically.

“I’m fine, Iruka-sensei,” he said blandly. “I’m used to being spoken about.”

The smile lessened considerably, though Sasuke wasn’t quite sure what he could’ve said to make matters worse. He figured, maybe, Iruka just knew he was lying.

Iruka reached out with his hand to ruffle his hair, but caught himself soon after and lowered his arm again. “Right,” he said. “Just… I’m here if you want to talk, okay?”

Sasuke gave his sensei one more nod before he was finally allowed to put what happened yesterday behind him and eat his lunch. If Iruka casted him plenty of concerned looks during the next few lessons, Sasuke pretended not to notice.

He could look after himself just fine, after all.

 

-

 

By the day’s end, Sasuke was exhausted. At least this time around he managed to avoid being stopped by his sensei before leaving the classroom, Iruka having been too held up after class with questions from one of his students, a pink-haired girl.

Sasuke knew of her only from that incident two weeks ago, though even then it was only a vague recognition. He didn’t know her name, which was to be expected of a child from a civilian family, and what he did know he had learned from the few days after the sparring he’d spent studying her in his free time.

He knew the other girls didn’t like her so much, that she had a somewhat timid air about her - though of course hardly as intense as the Hyuuga girl’s -, and that most of the teachers seemed fond of her. Sasuke didn’t particularly care for any of those details, though. The only thing that mattered to him was the fact that she was _smart._

It certainly wasn’t on the level of a prodigy in the making, but he knew she was more than a little adept at their history lessons, something even he spent more time memorizing than actually _knowing._ While Sasuke would be able to recite events at a moment’s notice, she would be able to explain the reasoning behind it, the resulting effect, and the other options that would’ve been available instead.

Sasuke wouldn’t admit it, but it frustrated him.

The only answer he had himself as to why someone else would be doing so well compared to him was if they were getting some type of cheap shot at it - which in this case, he had concluded being an outsider’s help.

(Though… did a teacher technically count as an outsider’s help, if they provided the material in the first place? Sasuke didn’t want to think of them as a resource, but…)

It was apparent when he noticed she had a habit of lingering after classes every other day to ask questions that she was getting help, which quickly eased the irritation that had been left to fester since that day. Obviously, if she needed to ask for help, she couldn’t be any better than Sasuke, right?

Sasuke would usually eye her actions with some scorn when he noticed her approach Iruka’s desk, but today he did nothing of the such. In fact, he even felt… a bit of gratitude for the distraction, as he left the classroom before Iruka could call him back without seeming rude.

His bag slung over his shoulders, supplies hidden away in the satchel, Sasuke exited the academy building… only to be stopped by a familiar blond face.

He paused for a moment, caught off guard, before he re-adjusted his bag’s strap and continued walking past his classmate, playing ignorant to the fact that Naruto was so clearly waiting for him. Part of him hoped that for once the idiot had caught onto his unspoken words when he didn’t hear any immediate footsteps trailing after him, but he knew he was wrong when Naruto let out a childish growl instead.

He took a quick step to the right, glancing out of the corner of his eye when Naruto appeared in his line of sight, tripping over his own feet after having tried to grab onto Sasuke. He wrinkled his nose and turned his gaze forward again as Naruto righted himself, grumbling under his breath.

“Hey!” he hissed. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Sasuke kept his gaze pointed ahead, his nose held in the air. Naruto was still babbling on, his words cutting off and darting from every other topic until he realized Sasuke wasn’t listening. When he did, he suddenly stopped in front of him and pointed.

“Ahh!” he said, clearly annoyed. “You’re not even listening!”

“You’re not saying anything important anyhow,” Sasuke replied, unsure why Naruto was _still_ here.

His cheeks flushed an angry red. “You always talk like you’re better than everybody else,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “What, you think your grades make you all cool?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and continued passed Naruto, trying to hold back his tongue when Naruto only kept pace with him instead of leaving.

“Well, tough luck,” he continued, “being a smartass doesn’t mean you got any right to _be an_ _ass._ ”

“I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, least of all _you._ ”

“Well I - I don’t care what you think about me either, y’know!”

“And yet here you are, bothering me,” Sasuke muttered.

“Serves you right!” Naruto jumped in front of him, walking backwards so he could look him in the face. His crossed arms rested behind his neck, his gleeful face suddenly twisted with annoyance. “Sasuke, Sasuke, _Sasuke_!” he mimicked, his nose scrunched up. “It’s all I’ve heard today, and I’m sick of it!”

“So you decide to hang around me?” Sasuke asked, failing to see the logic.

Naruto ignored him, his lips pursed. “What’s so special about you, huh? Nothing! Nothing at all!” He squinted at him carefully. “You’re just an asshole who definitely doesn’t deserve-”

Finally, Sasuke knew what this was really about. He stopped walking.

“What happened with Tsubaki isn’t any of your business, and if she couldn’t handle rejection, she shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.”

Naruto faltered, looking put off by the hard tone. “Why’re you being so mean? If… if some nice girl like Tsubaki said she liked me, I’d be happy.”

“Well she didn’t,” Sasuke said, frustrated. “Nobody did.”

Suddenly, that carefree attitude Naruto had been presenting vanished, leaving behind nothing but a guarded gaze and thick tension. His arms dropped back down to his sides and his hands formed tight fists.

“Fuck you,” Naruto said, but this time the words weren’t said with any bit of childish taunt. Sasuke knew, somehow, his words really meant something to Naruto and had hurt him.

Now, he didn’t seem to have any intention of following Sasuke the way home any longer, because he hurried past him, hitting his shoulder in the midst of his escape. Because obviously that was what this was, Naruto was _running away_ from him.

Sasuke ignored, again, the way his gut turned and his heart ached in his chest, and instead, watched Naruto’s fading figure until he could convince himself he really didn’t care anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult, and honestly part of me still isn't entirely happy with it, but it's whatever. I hope the first scene isn't too bad, because that was the one I struggled with the most. I don't want Sasuke to seem like a complete ass, but at the same time it's kind of inevitable. I loved writing all the other characters, though, especially Ino and Iruka! Definitely some of my faves so far, and I'm trying not to shove them in your face but I'm not sure if I'm successful or not, lol. 
> 
> Also, I feel like the idea of Sasuke not noticing Sakura at all would be complete BS. Like c'mon, this kid isn't so above everybody that he doesn't notice things. Sakura's more than worthy of being a rival too, even if she is a girl and in a "different" category, Kishimoto.
> 
> tidbit of story info (that i thought was cool but isn't required) -  
> The first girl who confessed to Sasuke literally threw him for a loop. Like the show kind of implies, Sasuke grew up dependent on his brother and adoring him. I'm pretty sure when Itachi wasn't around, he was really lonely as a kid. Having a prodigy for a brother and being from a notorious clan, a founding one that runs the police department even, probably set him apart from a lot of the other kids. Mikoto might've teased Sasuke about being a "lady-killer" and such, but Sasuke, in my opinion, would have been really disappointed by the confession when all he wants is a close friend.


	4. iktsuarpok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> n. The anticipation you feel when you’re waiting for someone and you keep checking your phone.

“It’s not my fault!”

Iruka looked down at Naruto with a dry look, clearly unimpressed. “Then I suppose syrup just spilled all over Sasuke’s desk by itself?”

Naruto crossed his arms, sneaking only a quick peek at the bland look on Sasuke’s face before looking away again. He mumbled something under his breath, looking very sour.

Iruka’s eyebrow twitched. “What was that, Naruto?”

“I said…” he started to mumble again, until he saw the tense expression on his teacher’s face. “He deserved it.”

He sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose and trying to reign in his temper. “Is that so, then?”

Naruto nodded excessively, looking at Iruka with shining eyes.

“If that’s the case, then what did you do, Sasuke?” The other boy refused to meet his teacher’s eyes, glaring off to the side at the exit. He was obviously upset he had been pulled out of class as well. Iruka waited to see if he would speak and was hardly surprised when he didn’t. “Well then… Naruto?”

 Surprisingly enough, Naruto didn’t speak up either. It was a stark contrast to the way he would usually blabber on and on about how he’d been treated wrong by another classmate, or just how he would be extremely talkative in general. It didn’t even seem as if Naruto was struggling to hold in his words, but like he was just resigned to it.

 “If you can’t come up with a good reason…” he began.

 “It was a good reason!” Naruto insisted, facing his teacher once more. “It really, really was!”

 “Then tell me,” Iruka said. “You two are classmates, you don’t have to get along but you need to be able to work together. If there’s a problem it needs to be addressed.”

 “I… I can’t!”

 Iruka pursed his lips, looking between his two students, before sighing again. “Well, if you can’t say, I have no choice but to punish you. Naruto, you can stay with me after school to help clean up the classroom.”

 “But, Iruka-sensei!” Naruto started to whine.

 Iruka ignored him, turning to his other student. “Sasuke, you can go ahead back into the classroom. I’ll go get some cleaning supplies, so just sit at a different desk for today, okay?”

 Sasuke straightened up from his slouched position and nodded before heading back into the classroom. His nose wrinkled at the sickly sweet scent throughout the room, coming from his desk. He had been lucky he had noticed the syrup before he sat down, or else he would’ve been in a bigger mess than he currently was.

 He had been on his guard even more than usual, ever since that day two weeks ago. It was no secret that Naruto had a nasty habit of playing pranks on those he felt wronged him, or even just on people in general. And Sasuke knew, even though he hadn’t gone in with the intention to, he had wronged him.

 He had been left on edge ever since he entered the classroom the day after, narrowly avoiding being soaked to the bone by the bucket of water Naruto had set on the door. While it seemed Naruto knew his schedule to school, strangely enough, he had very poor planning. It was lucky Sasuke had been behind Chouji and Shikamaru, so the bucket hadn’t fell over him.

 Chouji, on the other hand, had been a bit teary-eyed and wet, and Naruto had gotten a thorough scolding and been forced to mop up the mess.

 Of course, even that had not been enough to deter Naruto from getting back at his acclaimed rival. He had followed that prank with a series of others, all ranging from extreme to simple, yet each and every one had failed in some aspect: he arrived later than usual, he had poor execution, he lacked the correct supplies, etc.

 This prank, pouring syrup all over his desk and seat, had been the closest Naruto had gotten thus far in succeeding. In some way he probably had, Sasuke figured, as he was forced to sit next to one of his fangirls and suffer her squeals.

 It took a while before Iruka and Naruto entered the classroom. At first, Sasuke had figured it just had to do with the scolding being longer than usual, then he later considered the time it took to gather the cleaning supplies. But in both cases, while they seemed to be truth, Sasuke wondered if something else had happened between the two when they entered and Naruto went back to his seat without a single retort at the rest of the class teasing him, and Iruka kept shooting him worried glances this time around.

 Sasuke resolved not to think about it, but it was so hard not to.

 It had only been a few weeks, yet something drastic seemed to have taken place in his classmate. As the weather picked up in its chill, it was strange that Naruto seemed to get colder with it. The pranks began to slow and the annoyed looks Naruto had shot him during class ever since he’d claim to want to beat him vanished.

 Naruto stopped looking at him. When it came time to partner up for sparring, Naruto would refuse to have him as a partner, even if it meant he didn’t have one himself at all. There might’ve been people lining up for the chance to spar with Sasuke but never Naruto, who often sat on the sidelines plucking dry grass with his fingers.

 It had to be dragging his low grades even lower, and Sasuke figured he was right when one day Iruka pulled Naruto aside in the courtyard, just close enough for Sasuke to hear bits and pieces. Iruka had said he didn’t mind if Naruto didn’t want to spar with the other kids right now, though he had to learn how to eventually, but he couldn’t keep sitting out. From that day forth, at the end of all the sparring matches, Naruto would be forced to spar with Iruka.

 Even though his classmates taunted him about lacking a proper partner or being a teacher’s pet whenever Iruka wasn’t around, Naruto never changed his mind.

 Sasuke didn’t think teacher’s pet was the right way of putting it, even though Iruka did seem fond of Naruto. It wasn’t the unconditional adoration of a mother, the mindset that Naruto couldn’t do any wrong, that Iruka seemed to have for him. They seemed closer than that as the days went by and they spent more time together because of Naruto’s status with detention.

Iruka would still scold him harshly, still punish him when needed, but he always seemed to be there whenever Naruto looked, for lack of a better word, lonely. He looked concerned for him when the other boy showed up to class with bruises or skipped lunch, and he seemed convinced that Naruto could always do better.

Sasuke was lying in bed, staring at the plain ceiling above him, when the realization came to him.

Brothers.

Iruka looked at Naruto like the little brother he never had and in return Naruto sought their teacher out for the bits of kinship he knew of from the streets he walked. They seemed to gravitate towards each other, and even when they were in a classroom full of other people, there was just a certain way they looked at each other. Naruto, like it was all a dream; Iruka, like he was afraid but couldn’t help himself.

 

Sasuke felt envious.

Iruka was almost always available, even after classes. There was time to talk, to train, and to learn together. He was more open than the family Sasuke remembered, he wasn’t against answering questions, and he never treated any of his students like a burden.

For Sasuke, life in the compound had never been like that. _His brother_ had never been like that.

Sasuke tried not to hate Naruto for that.

 

-

 

It took two days for Sasuke to notice, which in truth, was probably a record since before he never would have. In the past, he would’ve just dismissed things like this as unimportant, as most things related to him just were naturally. 

But skipping class so suddenly was out of the realm of natural for Naruto in that moment. He had been keeping a steady schedule of coming to class, if just to see Iruka and not listen to the lesson. But for some reason, Naruto was gone.

No one else in class seemed to notice or if they did, they just didn’t care.

Sasuke tried to pretend he didn’t for a matter of three days before he stayed after class to ask Iruka about it. 

“Naruto?” His teacher mused. “Ah, he’s out sick.”

Sasuke didn’t believe it.

 In all the times since academy had began and Naruto had been shoved into his class, Naruto had never gotten sick even in the worst of weather with the most flimsy fabric. In the past, Sasuke had even been jealous of his classmate’s supposed immunity because he had a habit of getting sick in a steady routine.

Sasuke asked another question.

Iruka flinched a bit, focusing back from whatever thought he’d been lost in. He rubbed at his scar and gave a slight grin. “Sorry, sorry. What’d you say?”

“What’s he sick with?” Sasuke repeated himself, and Iruka only served to look more surprised.

“Just a common cold, I think,” Iruka replied carefully. “He should be fine in a few days.”

He said the last few words as if he was trying to reassure Sasuke, which made little sense to him. He really, really wasn’t worried.

“Thank you, sensei,” Sasuke said, then hiked his bag up further on his shoulder and turned to leave.

Iruka stopped him with a call of his name, and he turned back around. “Ah…” he looked a little bit embarrassed, though Sasuke couldn’t figure out why at all. “Well, you wouldn’t know what’s had Naruto upset with you, would you?”

Sasuke blinked. It took him a moment to figure out what Iruka meant. “He didn’t tell you?”

“Hehe… no,” Iruka said, sheepish. “I’ve asked him multiple times now, but he always manages to shrug it off.”

For a blabbermouth, Naruto seemed to be really good at keeping secrets when he wanted to. Sasuke wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “I don’t know either,” Sasuke lied.

Iruka looked surprise. “Really?” He looked away, a considering look on his face. “Huh… I’ve never known him to get so upset over nothing.”

It left a bad taste in Sasuke’s mouth to spill a secret Naruto was obviously trying hard to hide. His great uncle had always taught him that lying was a bad thing, but he figured in small cases like this, to uphold some sort of honor, it had to be okay.

After all, lying was a necessary thing for a shinobi, wasn’t it?

Sasuke shrugged. “Is that all, sensei?”

“Oh! Yes,” Iruka turned back towards him with a small smile. “Thank you for your help, anyway, Sasuke.”

He nodded, then made his depart from the classroom, finding that Naruto seemed to weigh even heavier on his mind that time.

But he definitely wasn’t worried at all.

 

-

 

Sasuke had almost forgotten how loud Naruto’s presence was until he stepped into the classroom a week later and there he was, sitting on Iruka’s desk and chattering on as he watched Iruka set up the classroom.

Sasuke had arrived even earlier than usual, when the majority of the village was still just waking up. He hadn’t been able to fall back asleep the night before and, tired of the quiet, had left early.

He wasn’t expecting to see Naruto, of all people, up this early. He was definitely the kind of kid who slept in most of the time, sometimes so much that he got to school in the middle of class and Iruka had to scold him about oversleeping.

The sliding door made a loud noise as Sasuke moved to try to slide it back in place as he stepped back out, and Iruka’s response to Naruto’s enthusiastic question cut off. He looked up from where he was cleaning the board, his brown eyes widening at the sight of Sasuke, stock still at the entrance.

“Sasuke!” he exclaimed. “Come in, come in…”

It would have looked horrible to run away after the invitation, much less be impractical when he had to return to the academy in less than an hour anyway, so Sasuke stepped in and shut the door, ignoring the heavy stare he could feel from a certain blond boy.

“You’re here really early,” Iruka continued, turning back to board. “Did you need help with something?”

The question made Sasuke scowl as he looked away, setting his bag at his usual seat. “No,” he groused, bothered at the thought, but Iruka didn’t seem perturbed by his abruptness at all.

Instead he hummed, wiping away the remaining chalk marks before setting down the eraser. He turned back to his desk and, at the sight of Naruto, sighed. “No sitting on desks!” he chided, though it lacked the usual seriousness that laid in his tone. It seemed Iruka was much more loose in the morning time. “And hand me that paper, will you, Naruto?”

Naruto grumbled, but he jumped off the desk with the paper in hand. He waddled over to Iruka’s side and offered it to him. The moment his hands were free, he dug them into his shorts’ pockets, his face flushing when he received a quick pat to the head, his blond hair unruly between dark fingers.

Arms crossed over the top of his desk, Sasuke leaned forward and watched the two of them, his cheeks puffing up indignantly as he did. Naruto was leaning into the touch, only to go still when he felt eyes on him, and glanced up to meet Sasuke’s cool gaze with a heated one.

The stare-off only lasted a moment, before Iruka interrupted them. He was still facing the chalkboard, now scribbling key points for today’s lesson on them, when he spoke. “Since you’re both here so early, do you mind helping me out?”

Neither was really capable of saying no, each for very different reasons. Sasuke’s mother, of course, had always taught him it was important to be kind. He stood up from his desk and got closer so he could hear better.

“Can the two of you head down to the janitor’s closet and bring a broom?” Iruka pulled a pair of keys off his waistband, finding the correct one and then offering it to the two boys gathered nearby him. Sasuke was quick to grab it first, ignoring Naruto’s stinging glare. “My classroom is so filthy!”

It really wasn’t, but Sasuke knew when to stay quiet. This seemed like one of those times.

“Both of you stay together now, okay?” He offered them a smile before turning back to board, as the two of them exited the classroom.

It was almost immediate. The moment the door slid shut, Naruto was clawing at his side, trying to take the keys. Sasuke carefully held them above his head, Naruto getting flushed with anger at his short height.

“Stop being stupid already,” he grumbled. “It doesn’t matter who has the keys.”

“Then give ‘em to me! Iruka-sensei was giving ‘em to me anyway!”

Sasuke, resolutely, did not give them to Naruto.

“You’ll forget which key is the right one,” he explained, which he knew was true. Naruto would totally fail at something like this. “Just come on, already. Iruka-sensei’s waiting for us.”

Naruto’s eyes were narrowed and his lips formed a pout, but he luckily seemed quelled by the thought of fulfilling a mission Iruka had given. He raised his head and turned to the left to go to the janitor’s closet, leading.

“Wrong way,” Sasuke said.

Naruto let out an annoyed noise, but still followed.

The silence as they walked was interrupted every now and again by the sound of Naruto dragging his feet, and Sasuke ignored the way the noise made his ears grate. He was hyper aware of Naruto’s presence this time around. Not only was it the first time in forever they had been alone together and had really spoke to one another, but he had gotten used to the weirdness of class without him.

Sasuke really wasn’t sure how to handle it or the way he had an urge to do something after hardly seeing the boy in over a week. Naruto didn’t seem to have this problem.

“It’s here,” he grumbled.

Sasuke stopped walking, looked up, and saw that he was right. He very pointedly did not comment on it, and pulled out the right key. Naruto was leaning in close as he unlocked the room and he hurried to step in before him, looking proud that he had beaten Sasuke at something.

Sasuke only rolled his eyes.

“Which broom should we bring?”

There were a variety of them but Sasuke only spared them a quick glance. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “Just grab one, already.”

Naruto puffed up. “Iruka-sensei only deserves the best!”

He sighed, but leaned against the doorframe as he watched Naruto squint at each broom with careful consideration before choosing a bland, brown one. When he met Sasuke’s gaze, one eyebrow raised, he huffed. “This one’s cleaner,” he said, by way of explanation.

“It’s gonna get dirty anyway,” Sasuke said, but Naruto wasn’t listening. They stepped out of the closet and Sasuke locked it back up, putting the keys in a secure pocket.

It was as they began the trek back, more than halfway there to the classroom, that Sasuke finally understood his urge. He sighed heavily, and Naruto tried to look at him sneakily by glancing out of the corner of his eye, but his blond hair fell in his face and obstructed his vision so he had to turn his whole head. Sasuke thought it looked ridiculous.

He was staring out the window, walking a little slower, and Naruto looked peeved when he asked what the hell was up with him.

“Wear more layers next time,” Sasuke said, picking up his pace again. Naruto hurried to follow him and he looked very confused.

“What’re you talking about?”

“So you don’t get sick,” Sasuke clarified. “You should wear more layers for the weather. Not stupid shorts all the time.”

“Sick -?” he started to ask, but by then they had arrived back to the classroom, and Sasuke had gone inside, something more comfortable settling in his gut, unlike the fit of anxiety that had been blooming there for over a month.

He didn’t have a word for the feeling, and as the day progressed, he forgot about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn’t a hugely progressive chapter, it’s a lot like a filler really, but a necessary one. I don’t want to just jump ahead of things so I decided to develop things in this chapter over a span of time. It’s a month or so of timeskip. As of this chapter, Naruto is nine years old, and I don’t think I mentioned it briefly but obviously Sasuke has been nine for a bit. This chapter takes place from mid-September to October, spanning around the week of the Kyuubi attack.
> 
> The attack actually has everything to do with Naruto's disappearance. I think it's BS that he would just roam around the village during that time, when all the villagers are probably grieving and likely to be more hostile than before. Hiruzen is definitely not the best Hokage, but the idea that he would do nothing bothers me a lot. He has to at least try to keep his promise to Minato and Kushina, you feel? So in this he actually keeps Naruto out of school/from wandering, over the span of the anniversary under the claim of being out sick. Iruka, obviously, knows that isn't the case, but Sasuke doesn't (yet).
> 
> I know there is a specific filler about Iruka’s decision to be there for Naruto and such but I haven't seen it recently and only kind of know the basics, so I decided to forgo mentioning it. Not 100% sure if some portion of it might fit in this fic, and I apologize if it doesn't, I'm trying to stick to canon as well as possible but I'm also taking some creative freedom here. Since I'm writing from Sasuke's perspective most of the time, I leave some things out that aren't entirely relevant to him.
> 
> Anyway, long author note is long (sorry! i just get so excited about this!), thank you for all your comments thus far, they really keep me motivated and I read through all of them!! Thank you for the kudos and bookmarks, too! Til next month!


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